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INTRODUCTION

SECTION 1 - BEING IN CONTROL

SECTION 2 - HELPING OTHERS

SECTION 3 - HAVING CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

How To Have Personal Happiness

Introduction

Happiness is not only important to you, but your happiness is important to our entire world. That’s because people who are making themselves happy are most likely making the world a better place. You will hear how all of that fits together in this audiobook that is published by CustomLifeUSA.

It is important for us to let you know that we are not healthcare professionals, but we assembled a small team of people to research the topic, compile our findings from the professionals, and condense them into an easy-to-use audiobook.

One of our surprising finds was, according to Dan Gilbert, our frontal cortex allows us to synthesize happiness so that a lottery winner and a paraplegic become equally happy. That people who have had horrible experiences, gigantic failures/mistakes or injustices that they have endured, can even call those experiences the best thing that ever happened to them and even “a glorious experience.” But, we weren’t out to publish a scientific paper, so we will leave that surprising find with you and focus on 3 broad and easy to remember sources of happiness: 1) being in control; 2) helping others; and, 3) most importantly, having close personal relationships.

We also think it is important to disclose why our company which is committed to “sustainable luxury designed by you” is motivated to publish about happiness. It is because of our definition of luxury. While the old luxury brands define luxury as “exclusive” and use exorbitant pricing to exclude the masses, we define luxury as a lifestyle that brings you “personal happiness and comfort, and lets you be you” So, CustomLifeUSA is in the happiness business.

 

Section 1 - Being in Control

Being in control is the first step toward achieving personal happiness and comfort. But, what does "being in control" actually mean? What it doesn't mean is controlling the life of others. What it does mean is to be in control of how you approach circumstances that you encounter, how you react to them, how you treat yourself, and how you treat the world around us. Being in control helps you feel happier and less stressed in life, so let’s start at the beginning and examine why and how to accomplish this.

Being In Control Is A Choice

If you are relying on anyone or anything else for your happiness, then you are on the wrong path, and you need to stop doing that. If you feel like you aren't doing what you want to do or aren’t the person that you want to be, then you need to take charge of your life.

Some people take control of their lives, and some people feel like victims. It entirely depends upon which one you want to be - someone who values their own worth or someone who complains they are undervalued. Your feelings are under your control too. No one can control how you feel unless you let them. Happy or sad, every emotion that you feel can contribute to relinquishing control. However we should remember that we are human and will have emotional responses that we need to step back from and take control of. So being in control of your feelings is an important path to happiness.

Choices and decisions are to be made only by you. Someone might help you with your choices, but in the end, you should be the one deciding what is best for your life and what's not. Whenever you make a decision, consider its positive and negative aspects in your future. When you make the right decision, congratulate yourself and enjoy any appreciation from others. But if your decision goes wrong, don’t get upset. You might be blamed for the things that happened due to your decision, but at least it was your decision. You are the one responsible for good or bad decisions that you make, so think carefully and own your decisions.

The Account of Rebecca McKown

Meet Rebecca McKown. She says that “I spent most of my life up until now in the shadow of fleeting happiness. It followed me everywhere." It all started when she was young. She always searched for acceptance and did ridiculous things to herself. She thought that it would bring her happiness, but she was never truly happy. She made her happiness dependent on other people and material things. She got married at a young age and moved to a place that wasn't conducive to her nature. She even got a job that she thought would make her feel established, following society's definition of success. But she didn't find happiness at all.

She states, "With all these misguided beliefs of happiness under my belt, the waves of discontent still threatened to drown me. I kept treading water with no movement." Then one day she realized that the truth behind her happiness didn't lie in things or people or society's definitions. She could always feel happy if she accepted herself fully for who she was. She was able to gain control of her life, her thoughts, and her emotions. She also said that, “Your happiness cannot come from the outside world. It must come from within you.” She is now living a happy life and enjoying her life to the fullest.

4 Ways to Have More Control

Here are some self-control methods which you can use to help control your life and happiness.

1. Decide to Change

Understand that if you always do the same thing, then you will always get the same result. You can't always blame others for not being happy. You have to take control and ownership of your life and decisions. Change something if you want a different result. If you feel like something is missing, then you need to make a change in your life somewhere. Don’t settle. Change things around you that will improve your life. Know what you want and need and set out to find it. Even things as small as the purse or handbag you own – if it doesn’t fit your needs, change it.

2. Focus on What You Can Control

There is a famous quote that says, “You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”- Wayne Dyer

This quote may seem very simple, but it has a profound meaning. It means that you can't control the things happening around you, but you can control the stuff happening inside you. You can control your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and by controlling these things, you will be able to make your situation better.

3. Make Happiness Your First Priority

Happiness doesn't come to you by itself; you need to come to it. You have to adopt it and own it. Happiness is often misunderstood. It is not an object - it is a state of mind which is defined by positive and pleasant emotions. Choose happiness as your daily goal. By doing this, you will have better control of yourself and your life.

4. Practice Self-Love

Self-love is essential if you want to have better control of your life and happiness. Only then will you be able to share it with others. Self-love takes practice and patience. First, put an end to the negative self-talk. You will start valuing yourself and your decisions. Don’t forget to treat yourself special. Every now and then, splurge on something you enjoy. For example, get yourself a bracelet that reminds you of your best character traits. When you are in control, you will enjoy your life unconditionally.

Conclusion

"On a deeper level, you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do." ~Eckhart Tolle

You can only achieve personal happiness and comfort when you choose to be in control of yourself. Recognize your inner strength and greatness and realize that people and things in your life hold no power over you – unless you give them this power. You are the owner of your happiness, and you are already complete, as Eckhart Tolle famously stated.

 

Section 2 - Helping others
Helping others is another important key to unlocking your happiness. Ancient sayings and quotes from historical figures have always spoken of the same thing. In the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, there is a phrase which recommends giving as a way of receiving even more. But, is there truth in it? The answer is a definite yes. Scientific research carried out over the years suggests that offering help to others has the power of giving you a happy life.

Giving can be tricky, even though it can grant you happiness. If it doesn't seem like you are gaining anything in return, you are likely to do away with such a cause. You don't have to give up yet because it is the right path, considering the compelling evidence gathered by researchers of the subject.

Here are nine ways you can help others.

1. Be Friendly

Frank Delaney, in his novel, wrote that “the difference between a friend and an enemy is friendliness.” Being friendly comes with a lot of questions since people expect you to need a favor in exchange. Whether it involves a friend or a random individual, any act of friendliness, such as a simple smile and acknowledgement can improve someone’s day and lift them up. We don’t usually know what challenges others have been experiencing, so our friendliness may be the best moment of their day.

You can also start conversations and acknowledge the people you meet. They get to feel included and thus have the positive mindset that someone is looking out for them. Be genuine in your feelings and make sure that your body language speaks similarly. Invite people to fun activities without discrimination so that no one can feel left out. All these deeds are necessary for helping others to succeed in their daily lives.

2. Make Donations

Donations don’t only involve vast sums of money. The items that you no longer use are also significant. Donating to people who are living in poverty can help them feel better about their worth. It also has several personal benefits, including the fact that it adds a ton of happiness to your life.

One notable example of why donations are necessary is the work of Mother Teresa. In 1950, she came up with the Missionaries of Charity religious congregation that comprises over 4500 religious sisters who devote their lives to give. Consequently, Mother Teresa earned a Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 for her contribution to humanity.

3. Volunteer

According to Horace Mann, doing nothing for others is our undoing. Volunteering is beneficial in helping other people grow, not because they can't do it themselves, but instead to put a smile on their face.

Focusing your energy on helping others for free appears as impossible since most people lead busy lives. However, a voluntary act doesn’t have to take up much of your time and efforts. Volunteering at work, for instance, makes it possible for a potentially tired or sick employee to take a break. You can also try volunteering at hospitals, especially if the particular health facilities have shortages of personnel. Other places like nursing homes, churches and events are excellent choices if you are looking to participate in some tasks without pay.

4. Charitable giving

This form of gift-giving involves a donation of a particular gift to charity instead of the recipient having it. It serves to provide someone with something by giving to another party.

One example of alternative giving used wedding favors. Prince William and his wife, Kate Middleton, exercised this concept with their monetary wedding gifts, resulting in lots of charities benefitting greatly. The couple encouraged their guests to make gifts of money so that it could be used for good causes.

5. Honor Someone’s Character

A gift that “honors” someone is another good way to let someone know how much they mean to you. The I Honor Collection at Custom Life USA lets you acknowledge the character traits of the people you admire, love and respect. You design each custom accessory to symbolize three of their most inspiring character traits. If you wear the jewelry, you are telling about someone you admire. If you gift the jewelry, you are telling someone why you admire them.

6. Perform Random Acts Of Kindness

Benjamin Franklin is well-known for using the alternative giving technique, which later became the expression, “pay it forward.” If you want some pay it forward ideas, think of all the beautiful things you can do for people around you. You can buy coffee for the customer behind you, write a positive review for a small local business or leave an encouraging note for someone.

7. Offer Advice

Sometimes all that an individual needs to have their heart filled with joy is a recommendation or some assurance about whatever they want to do. When you know someone is going through a tough time, find out the reason behind their circumstance to determine ways in which you can help them. Bad times come and go, so it is essential to guide someone so that they can overcome their difficulty much faster.

During the process of advising, be honest in what you say to someone to increase the chances of someone following your advice. Avoid judging them despite their past actions. Provide long-term assistance to the individual to ensure that you support them as much as you can. Be sure to admit that you can’t assist them if you don't know how to do so. In case you can’t be helpful, recommend a professional or some motivational materials to the person.

8. Teach A Skill You Have

Skills are the most viable tools for living. Malala Yousafzvai suggested that one child, one teacher, one book and one pen can change the world. You might even be the teacher that someone never had. So if you are good at something, give lessons to those who are struggling with it.

When it comes to teaching, you can do it for free or offer discounts to help the student master a new skill at the cost of almost nothing. The quality of your lessons should be the same in both the paid and unpaid cases. Such generosity enables the learner to aid their community and also rewards you with a happy feeling of accomplishment.

9. Sponsor A Talent Or Project

If you are able, sponsor a community-based program or an individual's project. Search for people who have innovative ideas but cannot implement them due to lack of funds. You can find lots of projects over the Internet or locally in your area. Make sure that you understand a particular project and its resourcefulness before signing up to sponsor it.

When doing an online search for exciting ideas that need sponsorship, be sure to look out for scammers because your money can end up in the wrong hands. You can also partner with other sponsors or brands to make partial contributions. More celebrities continue to offer sponsorships, including Derrick Rose who created a scholarship program for those in need. The basketball player has received acclaim for his acts of kindness.

Conclusion

Helping others helps yourself because it improves your mental and physical health. Such a state of wellbeing generates happiness so the more you lend a hand to others, the happier you become. You don’t need to be rich to pull any kind of generous acts. You also don't need a high degree of proficiency. All you require is a good heart and an open mind which can back you up in making it achievable.

 

Section 3 - Having Close Personal Relationships

It is important to have close personal relationships in life. We often ignore this aspect of our lives and end up being unhappy. If we look closely at someone's life who is happy and content, we will find out that the real reason behind his happiness and contentment is none other than having great and reliable close relationships. Have you ever asked yourself, in spite of having everything, why am I still unhappy, depressed or empty? This void can only be filled by a few generous relationships or maybe a single great relationship. Close friends can turn out to be enough to achieve a blissful life.

Quality of Relationships It's not the number of relationships or friends you have, it is the quality of those relationships that matter. We generally develop several friendships on Facebook, and other acquaintances here and there, but we can't rely on them when we are struggling through different phases of our lives. So the key, is to obtain genuine relationships in life on whom you can rely at all times. The kind of people who give you strength, who want to see you happy, who care for you, who genuinely love you, these are the people that will contribute to your stability and happiness in life. As the famous philosopher and writer Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.”

Sharing A person's life can be far better if they have someone to share their happiness and sorrows with. That “someone” could be anyone; a parent, a loving sibling, soulmate, spouse, a pen friend, a platonic friend, a childhood neighbor or a work colleague. You can have an ideal bond with any of them and confide in them. A person who lacks relationships in their life has no one to share their happiness or success with, and at the end of the day are alone.

Several studies show that having friends and close peer experiences and learnings are important predictors of happiness (Saldarriaga & Bukowski, 2013), (Demir et al., 2006). Similarly, other studies have been conducted which examined the relationship between these two variables and the results showed that happy and successful individuals tend to have stronger and more intimate social relationships (Diener & Seligman, 2002).

Having Friends

Friendships are important – may it be your parents, siblings, or your significant other. It acts as a driving factor towards better bonds among each other. Famous psychologist Jordan Peterson says, "Make friends with people who want the best for you." (Peterson & Sciver, 2018)

Therefore, making friends with the right people can bring happiness to your life. A friend is someone who understands you, who is loyal to you, and thinks good of you. Make friends in your life who motivate you to be the best version of yourself and you must do the same for them. Do good to each other to strengthen your relationship, as the famous philosopher Aristotle also believed that “the true goal of friendship is goodness” (Saldarriaga & Bukowski, 2013).

We can have amazing relationships with our siblings, as well, as friendships are not limited to any specific person. I have witnessed such examples around myself as well. A friend of mine has three brothers and a sister and they are an exceptional example of siblings exhibiting an ideal bond among themselves. I have seen them supporting each other in every matter, being there for each other under all circumstances, caring for each other, listening to each other's problems and offering help of all sorts. That friend of mine always looked happy and satisfied with his life. He never seemed to need any outside friends to share his problems or joys, as he always had his siblings around and they were enough to make him feel complete, loved, and understood. You can find a best friend in your brother or sister, who will always be by your side no matter what.

Communication

Communication is the key to any relationship. You should be able to convey everything, and the other person will understand. We often fail to communicate properly with our loved ones and this can create distance from them, and possibly even lose amazing relationships. Be sure to tell them how you feel in various ways, through direct communication or gifts, or surprises and more.

Qualities for Happiness

A study by Demir & Weitekamp (2007), examined the relationship between friendship and happiness in 423 male and female participants. The study evaluated the effect of friendship quality on a person's happiness and the results found out that friendship quality was a positive predictor of a person's happiness. Companionship and self-validation were the two friendship qualities that accounted for most of the happiness. So, in every relationship these two qualities must be present in order to achieve absolute happiness and gratitude in life.

In conclusion, evaluate every relationship in your life and based upon your assessment, try and grow closer to people who make you feel good about yourself. Water every relationship with attention just like a loved flower that blooms with care and affection. Always expect less and give more to achieve the best out of relationships. Give your best and lead the relationship with an open mind and heart.  



References

Demir, M., Özdemir, M., & Weitekamp, L. A. (2006). Looking to happy tomorrows with friends: Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 8(2), 243–271. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-006-9025-2

Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. (2002). Very Happy People. Psychological Science, 13(1), 81–84. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9280.00415

Peterson, J. B., & Sciver, E. van. (2018). 12 Rules for life an antidote to chaos. Random House Canada.

Saldarriaga , L. M., & Bukowski , W. M. (2013). Friendship and happiness: A bidirectional dynamic process.

Staff, G. T. (2018, June 11). 14 Quotes that Remind Us Why Friendship Matters. GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/14-quotes-that-remind-us-why-friendship-matters-0609188.